Walking Backward or Forward?

Tonight, after a painful hour at the gym, I made space to journal. Quickly, I realized that my heart was more like the Little Mermaid’s collection of “gadgets and gizmos-a-plenty”: stacks of things piled high in the wrong place.


I ended up asking myself a question I’ve come around to a few times in my life:

Am I content?


My soul feels like it’s in a season of churning.

You know, the kind of season where the Lord is uprooting more than he is planting.

The kind of season where taking rest is more like a quick visit to the bench during a timeout in an intense game.


I don’t just feel unsettled.

My soul feels like it’s changing.


When I look back on these kinds of seasons of my life, they are, by far, my favorite seasons.

I mean, the pain sure sucks. But, the seasons are so glorious to see in hindsight: the learning, the growth.


I love seasons of soul-churning.


….when I’m done with them.


But, I’m forgetting I’m living a great memory now.


When I look back on the fall of 2015, I guarantee you I will thank Jesus for it.

I already know this season is startlingly deep and wildly beautiful.

I can feel it.


But, will I choose to believe the season I’m in is as beautiful today–being lived–as it will be tomorrow–remembered?


Will I live my life with present, not just hindsight, gratefulness?


I sure hope so.

Otherwise, I’m likely to live my life walking backward, looking at the past instead of into my future.


And, that doesn’t sound like any fun at all.


2 thoughts on “Walking Backward or Forward?

  1. thecaptainkyle says:

    About time you wrote something new! Miss your real-ness and frank-ness, and thank you for sharing your victories and struggles. People need to hear what you’ve got pent up in there so let it out!


  2. alysseay says:

    This is so awesome. Thanks for sharing. Miss you friend.

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