Tonight, after a painful hour at the gym, I made space to journal. Quickly, I realized that my heart was more like the Little Mermaid’s collection of “gadgets and gizmos-a-plenty”: stacks of things piled high in the wrong place.
I ended up asking myself a question I’ve come around to a few times in my life:
Am I content?
My soul feels like it’s in a season of churning.
You know, the kind of season where the Lord is uprooting more than he is planting.
The kind of season where taking rest is more like a quick visit to the bench during a timeout in an intense game.
I don’t just feel unsettled.
My soul feels like it’s changing.
When I look back on these kinds of seasons of my life, they are, by far, my favorite seasons.
I mean, the pain sure sucks. But, the seasons are so glorious to see in hindsight: the learning, the growth.
I love seasons of soul-churning.
….when I’m done with them.
But, I’m forgetting I’m living a great memory now.
When I look back on the fall of 2015, I guarantee you I will thank Jesus for it.
I already know this season is startlingly deep and wildly beautiful.
I can feel it.
But, will I choose to believe the season I’m in is as beautiful today–being lived–as it will be tomorrow–remembered?
Will I live my life with present, not just hindsight, gratefulness?
I sure hope so.
Otherwise, I’m likely to live my life walking backward, looking at the past instead of into my future.
And, that doesn’t sound like any fun at all.